Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
