worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
