So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
