i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
