hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
wrigley field is MILF paradise
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
