I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Say something about gay babies.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
