I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
