just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
