And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
