you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
