every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
