So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How external is "for external use only"?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
