Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
