I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
