im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
