I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
