Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
