Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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