He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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