You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
