YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
