so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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