how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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