Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
