Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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