Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
