Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
