why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
