You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
