i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Mom said you looked used
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
