The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
