party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
