Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
