tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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