she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
