Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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