1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
