I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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