I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
