No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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