if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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