twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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