i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
