Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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