his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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