wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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