i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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