Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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