so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
