Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
